three years today

it was a moment unlike any i had experienced before.

i was to meet this man i had been communicating with face to face for the very first time.  our communication has begun only about a week or so beforehand and now he was driving to laramie so we could meet. 

the conversations had been thrilling.  i had enjoyed every piece of our moments from the very beginnings of our eharmony communications to the phone calls that had begun.  face to face simply seemed like so much more. 

would we find one another attractive, would our time together go well, would this work?!  it was all hanging on his arrival.  i found myself questioning the invitation i had offered.  was i crazy to open my home to someone i had not yet met?  was he who he really said he was? 

we were to go to the snowies for a day of snowshoeing.  i arranged a pair to borrow from a friend so i could introduce him to someone before we left town.  it was all for safety you see -- i did not want to find myself lost in the mountains with someone i barely knew...i needed a backup plan if you will. 

he arrived and i did the usual head to toe glance to see if i found myself attracted to him.  he was cute,  not exactly what i had imagined, but cute nonetheless (since then i've decided he is not only cute, but totally handsome! killer eyes you see!).  we loaded the car and headed to get the other pair of shoes.

once the shoes had been retreived we were on our way up the mountain.  conversation was small at first, but once we got used to one another it flowed freely and openly.  i found myself feeling very vulnerable while we were out and about.  he shared so much of himself with me that it scared me deeply.  i wasn't sure i was in for all of it.  thankfully we were out in the middle of the forest and i had no where to run. 

i'm a runner you see.  i hate confrontation and choose to run from the situation rather than fight through it.  as i learned more about him i began to see such a beautiful image of grace.  a grace unlike i had ever experienced before.  he had received grace in such a tender way and chose to be the receiver.  this had made him such a beautiful man.  a changed man.  a growing man.  a man desiring so much more for his life. 

a day of snowshoeing changed my life forever.  for the better.  i wish i daily embrace it as so, but i find myself forgetting the beauty that came that day.  he was a gift to me.  God was answering so many prayers.  i had met the man he had been setting aside for me.  he was not for the next girl to cross his path, but for me.  this was a gift unlike any i had ever received. 

i was blessed january 12, 2008 to meet the man of my dreams.  the man who would learn to love me as me and who would see the ugliness inside my life to the very depths.  he has chosen to walk beside me daily, not because i make it easy, but because he is an image of grace.  he is lovely in every way.  he desires me.  he chooses gentleness and mercy.  he has made a commitment and has remained faithful.

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i wish i have been as easy to be next to.  eric has faithfully stood next to me even when i have chosen to act out of selfishness and a deeply rooted critical nature.  he hurts so deeply sometimes because i continue living out of a critical nature.  this is something i wish would change instantly.  it hasn't changed in the three years i've been blessed to be next to him.  i need prayers....this 'bitter root,' has to go!  i cannot continue to hurt my best friend because i live in a place of judgement and criticism.  this is not who i desire to be nor who my Father in Heaven desires me to be. 

i need prayer.  please join me as i desire to see God move mightily in my life.  my help comes from the Lord, the make of heaven and earth.  i believe this to the FULL.  i also believe i need the support of my brothers and sisters.  hold me accountable.  ask me how i'm doing.  ask my incredible husband how he is. 

admitting my failures hurts.  it hurts deeper than words can express.  i don't write this empty heartedly; i write this because there's hurt.  my sin is causing the man i love to hurt.  this is not okay.  it will never be okay!

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3 years ago today, my life changed.  i desire today to be a new day.  a day in which baggage begins to lessen and bondage no longer holds me captive.  a day in which i can look the man i love in the eyes and say 'i love you' to the very depth of my being.

 i praise God for the 3 years i've had and look forward to those He will continue to give us. 

eric cooley, i praise my Jesus for you.  thank you for supporting your family to the full and loving me even when i'm incredibly unloveable!  you are a precious precious gift! 

all my love...