Tuesday, February 15, 2011

living through trials

Our life has been quite chaotic lately. 

It all began February 1st when the hot water valve in our our shower froze and later burst.  Thankfully I have a husband who is very capable of fixing these kind of things.  He however has been incredibly busy at work lately.  Through a text I gave him the update of 'we have a frozen valve' to help with the 'you won't be getting a shower tonight' news.  He worked a 16 hour day and wanted nothing more than a shower.  After getting home late and shutting off the water to our home he was able to get some rest.  The next morning we got up in order to turn the water on and see just how bad this scenerio was.  The hot water began rushing behind the cupboards in the kitchen.  The pipe was damaged.  Thankfully we still had cold water.  We both got ready for work using cold water and prepared ourselves for a long day. 

Eric was able to fix the pipe that evening and thankfully we had hot water again.  He's the best!  In the midst of fixing the shower he had to break a large hole in our tile to access the pipes.  This now means: Cooley bathroom under construction.  After spending a large sum of money on new tile and planning our new renovation, the bathroom is definitely "Under Construction."  It will be wonderful when all is said and done!

Our life is full of ups and downs.  It seems that the month of February has brought a few downs our way.  Eric and I had recently decided to begin sharing our BIG news with those we love.  We were expecting another little one.  I was almost 11 weeks along and we felt that we were in the safe zone to share our news.  So many embraced us with such love and encouragement.  For that we are so grateful! 

I have had two miscarriages before.  The last one was in September.  We were thrilled for another opportunity to be parents once again.  All had been going really well and I felt awesome.  Many of our friends are in the midst of expecting and I was feeling rather fortunate to not be dealing with morning sickness as they have been.  We spent the weekend sharing our news with more friends and family.  On Sunday the 6th I began bleeding.  Immediately I internally began to freak out a bit.  I knew that bleeding was never a good sign and was definitely not ready to lose this baby!  I was already growing attached in many ways.  The dreams had begun and my heart was involved. 

With a call to the dr. I was satisfied with the possibility that I simply ruptured a few blood vessels.  No big deal, I thought.  Monday began like any other day.  My best friend and her daughter drove to our house for a visit and we hung out just as planned.  After dinner Eric, Sarah and I decided to lounge about for a bit.  During our lounge time my body kicked into full miscarriage mode.  Not what I was expecting at all! 

After a long duration of coming to the realization of what my body was doing my heart began to ache.  I was so deeply saddened by this loss.  Why me?  Why again?  We can't do this; the pain is too much! 

God is so gracious and so loving and so amazingly calming!  I love that about Him!  During my time in the bathroom where my heart was breaking and my physical body seemed to be failing I was reminding of the unconditional love of my Father.  He was not going anywhere and would continue to be the comforter I was in need of. 

There were many emotions that evening and the next several days to come.  We went to the dr. on Tuesday and it was decided after exams, ultrasounds and the such that surgery was the best option.  Nash was home with Sarah and Selah and all I wanted was him close.  Thankfully Eric's dad is working in Laramie and was able to get Nash and the bags that Sarah packed for us.  I went into surgery for a DNC at 9pm and was able to be back to Eric's parents house by 11:30.  We were exhausted, but okay.  It's been a journey of growth as it will continue to be I'm sure.  The emotions will continue as I continually process what happened.  We are reminded daily as a family that our strength is not our own and that we are so thankful that God is the supplier of the strength needed. 

As a family we will continue to process and pray about what God desires for our future.  We are so blessed with one amazing son and cannot thank God enough for giving him to us. 

I am constantly reminded of James' words during seasons such as this...

Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance

We serve a HUGE God and for that I rejoice!


  1. Oh, Steph, my heart is embracing you right now. May the love of the Father wholly fill your spirit as you walk in this season. His love endures forever.

  2. Isaiah 43 came to mind after reading your post. Here's verses 2, 3, 18 & 19:
    "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
    when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
    For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
    Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old.
    I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
    I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
    Praying for you Cooleys.

  3. Oh Steph! How much do I adore you!? You are so good and obedient. It would be so easy to blame God and be angry with him, but not you. And I love that about you. Its such a hard thing you've been given to deal with and I know that you are strong and are loved. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you!

  4. You're a strong Christian woman Stephanie. You and your family are in my heart during this trying time!

  5. Sorry to hear about your recent trials. My heart aches for you and your family, knowing the blessings that come from parenting and the true gift each child brings to our lives..... We will be praying, praying, praying. Thanks for sharing your heart during this time.